


잘 자 (Good Night)

by queenaly21



Category: (여자)아이들 | (G)I-DLE
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-03
Updated: 2020-11-06
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:47:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 2,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27366046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queenaly21/pseuds/queenaly21
Summary: For You - (G)I-DLEGood Night - MAMAMOOSleepless nights, tearful eyes.Will we ever find our way back to each other?
Relationships: Seo Soojin/Yeh Shuhua
Kudos: 37





	1. Chapter 1

“She isn’t coming back.” The girl uttered over and over, her tears falling on the snow coated pavement as she let the snow fall all around her, her tears falling as she stared at the night sky that was full of stars, a sight that she would have praised any other day but not this night.

Seo Soojin was gone, and she had taken her heart with her.

“There’s no use crying here,” she would have said, but Shuhua was too drunk on tears and alcohol to even bother, as she found herself only crying, for the third night in a row.

Yeh Shuhua had wanted it to end, but it wouldn’t let her.


	2. Chapter 2

Water from the shower trickled all over her as she sat down on the tiled bathroom floor, letting the shower be the noise for her, hoping that it would distract all the voices in her head, all the thoughts trying to go into her mind, but it didn’t work, as Yeh Shuhua found herself crying again.

As if she didn’t cry herself to sleep last night.

“The tears wouldn’t stop…” she uttered to herself, for the tears that came cascading down her cheeks like a waterfall was tiring her out, making her wish to end it all, as her eyes wandered across the bathroom, noticing that all the razors and sharp things were gone.

“Should I just drown myself then?” Shuhua uttered to herself, looking at the pail of water that was there for reserve, wondering if she should just—

“Shuhua? Are you alright?” a voice said, snapping Shuhua from her thoughts as she got up from the floor, turning off the shower and wrapping herself in a towel.

“Yes, unnie.” _A lie, again._

She chastised herself for lying, but it was the only thing that keeping her sane, the thing that was pulling her from the edge.

Pretending that everything was alright; wearing a mask when she went out of her room, meeting the others who had merciful faces aimed towards her, but when she was alone, she let herself out of the mask.

And all she did when she was alone was cry, cry and cry all night, thoughts pouring into her head, no matter how much she wanted it to stop, it wouldn’t.

“Please…” she pleaded, but nothing answered her.

Soojin wasn’t going to come back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> feel free to comment, and please subscribe for more!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warning - thoughts of suicide at the end

Even if it was hard, Shuhua didn’t stop staring at the door, wondering if the girl she loved the most would come back, would come and open that door with that smile in her eyes and her lips, her name uttered from the girl’s lips so sweetly that she felt herself falling in love over and over again—

“Shu, it’s time to eat.” Minnie said, but Shuhua didn’t want to go, not when she could miss the girl’s arrival—

“You have to eat, Shu.” Miyeon said, and Shuhua found herself obeying the eldest’s orders, finding her feet carrying her towards the dining table, where Miyeon had cooked a feast.

She found herself eating only a small amount, her fork moving across the plate as thoughts rushed into her mind again, tears falling as she struggled to put on a mask—

“I’m sorry—” she uttered, rushing towards her room and abandoning the dinner her sisters had set for her as she locked herself in her room, hugging her knees and letting the tears fall from her eyes, once again cascading down.

“Shuhua? Are you alright?” she heard her unnies say through the ringing noise in her head, the voices and the knocking sounding like a mile away as she felt herself crying, again and again.

 _Soojin would come back,_ she told herself over and over, but each time she repeated it felt like a stab through her heart, stabbing herself over and over.

 _I want to end this,_ Shuhua thought, as she let herself drown in a sea of tears and sadness, letting herself drown in the sorrow that she carried.

_Please, let me end this._


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warning: depictions of thoughts and attempts of suicide near the end

For the first time in three nights, she didn't fall asleep crying.

Yes, she felt herself drowning in the sea of doubts and endless negative thoughts that made her go awake until three or four am, but that was it; she just stared at the ceiling, no tears falling, humming a tune that popped out in her head, while everyone else was asleep, and somehow she felt that her heart was silent. Still in pain, but silent.

"We're going to have to get you to visit some professional help, Shu." Soyeon said, holding her hand through the night, but it was Shuhua who broke free of the older girl's gentle grip, putting her arms over her eyes as she felt that she was going to cry--

"You have to help me here, Shu." Soyeon said, as she held the girl's hand again, and Shuhua just looked at her, through the night, watching Soyeon sleeping peacefully--

 _I'm not okay,_ Shuhua thought, as she stared at Soyeon, tears once again falling in her eyes, _because she's gone and I'm alone in wanting her to come back to me._

 _잘자 Good night_  
오늘 깨지 말고 부디 잘자 Don't wake up today, let's sleep  
못된 꿈이 오지 않길 I hope that bad dreams don't come

_(author's note: this is good night by mamamoo, listen to this : >)_

_If this is the right thing, I don't want it._

Wide awake and having some difficulties breathing, she found herself clutching a drink and going upstairs, towards the rooftop, staring at the night sky that looked so beautiful; a sight that she always wanted to see with _her._

She stared at the ledge, looking so inviting as she found herself walking towards the edge, the height not scaring her at all as she found herself dropping the cold can of beer on the floor, spilling all over as she dangled over the edge, only one step or one tilt and she would come hurtling down, as she felt her tears fall, biting her lips as she let all of herself go, tilting forward--

 _This is not what I want for you,_ she suddenly heard Soojin's voice in her mind say, as she suddenly got ahold of herself and backed away, falling down to the ground before her and cupping her mouth, crying even harder as she realized what she had done.

"No... why..." Shuhua uttered, as she gritted her teeth, staring up at the night sky and letting the silence of the night hush her thoughts, breathing in and out in a steady pace, calming her.

_I need you... please don't go._


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warning: self harm depicted

"You took my smile with you." Shuhua uttered as she stared at the night sky, as she felt lost, like someone had put a blindfold over her eyes, and she is permanently wandering in the darkness, her hands tied so tight that it hurt, so bad.

"She... her account's gone." Miyeon said, Shuhua hugging her knees at that as she only stared at the window, unable to cry anymore as her eyes were tired.

"What do you mean, her account's gone?" Soyeon asked, taking the phone away from Miyeon's hands as she scrolled and searched for the username, but it was gone.

_Gone, like her._

Shuhua felt earphones being inserted in her ears as she looked at Minnie who smiled at her, turning on the music that distracted her from the thoughts that paralyzed her.

She couldn't smile back, only nodding as Minnie hugged her tight, Shuhua refusing to hug back as she only let herself get drowned by the rhythm, drowning yet again as she felt knives stab her over and over, leaving her empty as she sighed.

"You lost the familiar happiness in your eyes and your smile, Shu." she heard Minnie say through the music, Shuhua only nodding at that as she sighed, clasping her hands together.

"The happy part of me died when they decided that I can't talk to her anymore." Shuhua said, as she felt that her summer was gone, the warm feeling all too gone for her to reach it, replaced by the eternal winter that was slowly freezing her heart, turning it stone cold and hard.

"They told me that all they wanted was for me to be happy, and yet they do this and she is farther than ever." Shuhua said, her nails scratching at her skin, Minnie noticing that the skin at the back of her hand, near her thumb was scratched so badly, drawing blood and stinging, but Shuhua was all too numb for that, as Minnie knew that she was the one who did that to herself.

"You're doing that again." Minnie said, Shuhua covering her wounded hand away from Minnie's eyes.

"I thought it would work again, but no. All this left is a scar that I have to hide again and the pain that's still in my heart." Shuhua said, trying to smile, but she couldn't.

All that's left is a mask, a mask that she puts on everyday, for pretending is what she do best.

_Don't go..._


	6. Chapter 6

"Come on, let's play." Yuqi said, already pulling Shuhua up, but the girl didn't budge, as she had her earphones on, listening to mamamoo's good night and other songs that only drove knives into her heart, but she listened to those anyway, as she shook her head, Yuqi frowning as she saw a single tear fall from the girl's eyes.

"I'm not really in the mood today, Wooks." Shuhua said, as Yuqi sighed, then sitting down next to the girl who had her eyes covered, the older already knowing that the maknae was crying.

"Do you want a hug? I'm fairly good at hugs." Yuqi said, Shuhua nodding at that.

"Yes, _please._ " Shuhua uttered, her voice cracking at the end as Yuqi pulled her close, hugging her tight and caressing her back, trying to stop her from crying.

"I'm here. I'm always here for you, Shu." Yuqi said, the younger nodding at that as she let her tears out.

"What... What if she finds someone else? I'm easily replaceable, Wooks--"

"You're not easily replaceable, alright? Don't think of that. Soojin unnie won't find someone else; she's too in love with you to even find someone else that could replace you, you know?" Yuqi said, as Shuhua only sighed at that, still having tears falling from her eyes, unable to stop them.

"It's okay to cry, alright? You have to let it all out." Yuqi said, Shuhua nodding at that.

"I... I really want to talk to her..." Shuhua said, Yuqi nodding at that.

"Shu..." Yuqi said, Shuhua nodding at that.

"I know... They told you to not let me talk to her, right? To withhold me from using my phone and such. I'm in a prison where I can do anything I want except the one thing I want the most, which is to talk to her." Shuhua said, tears rushing out even more, gritting her teeth and crying onto the shoulder of her bestfriend, who only patted her back.

"You'll get to see her soon, Shu." Yuqi said, whispering onto the girl as she slowly calmed down, letting the music calm her.

_So why don't we fall in love tonight_   
_'Cause everything else just feels so right_   
_And now I just want to hold you tight_   
_So why don't we just fall_   
  
_Hearts are beating_   
_The night is fleeting_   
_There's no denying_   
_Puhon, puhon_

_(author's note: the song is fall by ben & ben)_

Shuhua smiled for the first time in days, Yuqi's tears falling because of that, as she smiled, patting the girl's head.

_I'll see you soon, puhon._


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warning at the beginning

_"No... Stop... Please..." Shuhua uttered, as she swatted invisible hands from her body, trying to get rid of the invisible hands that touched her everywhere--_

_She jolted awake, tears in her eyes as she hugged herself, crying hard as she gritted her teeth, feeling dirty as she rubbed the feeling off of her body, breathing heavily--_

_"Hey, are you alright?" a voice said, sending a calm over her as she looked up and saw her._

_Soojin stood before her, with a worried look in her face as she sighed, opening her arms that Shuhua pulled and hugged tight, crying onto the girl's shoulders, letting it all out._

_"I missed you... u... unnie..." Shuhua uttered, as Soojin chuckled at that._

_"I'm not going anywhere, Shu." Soojin said, Shuhua nodding at that as she hugged her tight, not letting go._

_"I love... I love you--"_

"Shuhua? Why are you crying while asleep?" a voice said, Shuhua opening her eyes, realizing what happened.

"No... Soojin unnie... Was she here?" Shuhua asked, Soyeon patiently shaking her head, and tears immediately fell from Shuhua's eyes, the sight making Soyeon cry, but she had to be strong in front of the girl, as she rushed and hugged the girl, patting her back as the girl was already breathing heavily.

"It's alright. I'm here, we're here." Soyeon said, Shuhua nodding at that.

_You're the one that I need..._


	8. Chapter 8

"Her account's back!" Miyeon said, early in the morning, waking up everyone with her unusually loud voice as Shuhua only nodded at that, hugging her knees tight, which was not the reaction Miyeon expected.

"That's it? You're not happy or anything?" Miyeon said, Shuhua shaking her head.

"Good for her, then." Shuhua said, as Miyeon sighed, checking her posts--

"You sneaky girl." Miyeon said with a grin on her face, Shuhua raising her brows, Miyeon chuckling at that.

"It's alright, I won't tell that you've been liking her posts--" Miyeon said, Shuhua rushing to clamp her mouth shut, Miyeon laughing at that.

"Don't you want to talk to her or something?" Miyeon said, Shuhua shaking her head, as Miyeon sighed at that.

"They have control of every account I have, and they can see if I try to talk to her or something." Shuhua said, Miyeon sighing at that.

"Then why don't you borrow my account--"

"You're not real, unnie." Shuhua said, Miyeon raising her brow, as the younger just hugged her knees, sighing at that.

"What do you mean? I'm here, I'm breathing and--"

"You're just a figment of my imagination, that I thought of to help myself cope up with losing her, since I don't have any friends. You and Soyeon unnie are with Soojin, Soyeon unnie is mad at me for breaking her heart while Minnie unnie and Yuqi followed you two as your girlfriends would be, leaving me all alone here. Now, disappear." Shuhua said, spitting out the bitter truth as she finally realized to herself that she's alone, truly alone in this fight.

"The only thing I can do is like you from afar, isn't it?" She said, sitting down alone in her room, sighing at that.

"You have everyone to support you, and I'll just be here. supporting you from afar, even if I technically can't do that." Shuhua said, laughing to herself as she felt her tears fall, but there was no one left to comfort her, for she had driven everyone away.

"Happy monthsary, my love." she said, hugging her knees tight, her tears cascading like a waterfall.

_Take me away from here, please._

**Author's Note:**

> feel free to comment, and please subscribe for more!


End file.
